New Perspectives

The last months were quicker than I had expected. It has been a rollercoaster, and I let myself be guided by the opportunities that crossed my way. Usually that’s not my way of living, just letting myself go and seeing where the wind blows, but hell yeah, it was a new experience of traveling, and there is beauty in it.

It all started in Sweden, where I met a guy called Erik. He was living on the farm and was there because of a stress-related disease from his previous work life as an entrepreneur. Due to his condition and the dark winters in Sweden, he spent most of the year in sunny southern Europe. He was searching for a personal assistant to take him down to Spain and Portugal, and since I was planning to go south anyway, we decided to take the journey together. I had no further visions for the next months and the cold days were coming closer, so I decided to take that opportunity and see where the journey would lead us.

Our plan was roughly the same. We wanted to stay at farms or Workaway places during the winter while traveling. Due to Erik’s CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome), his energy is limited to 10 percent, and social interaction or being around many people is, due to his nervous system, no longer possible in the way it was before. He told me that interactions can be as painful as someone putting a candle close to your skin. I had never heard of something like that, and it is really hard to imagine having such a condition myself. It made me thoughtful and reminded me that I should be so thankful to be healthy every day.

Health is the basis of everything in our daily life. When our physical health is sick, our mental health is also struggling. It’s also the other way around, it’s a relationship. It is frightening how much our life quality depends on health. It made me realize how important it is to care for your health, be it the physical health (going for a daily walk, doing some sport activities, treating your body well with healthy food, resting, sleep) or the mental health (same as physical health, how you judge yourself, how you see yourself, awareness, being on your own, handling your thoughts). You don’t realize what you have until it’s gone.

Anyway, short side story about health. In the end, we decided to cooperate together. I was helping Erik to get to Portugal and Spain, and he was supporting me financially to move on. It was a win-win situation for both of us. I had my van to stay in, and he was sleeping in hostels or Airbnb.

Traveling together is okay, but living together in a small space was something I wouldn’t do again. I never did something like this before, but I was sure this would be a great time, or was this a bit naive thinking?

Our goal was to go to southern Portugal, escape the winter, and see where the wind blows there. Portugal is famous for its warm winters and its alternative movement with a lot of different projects going on, the perfect place to be.

First, we stayed a couple of weeks in Albufeira, enjoyed the days at the beach, and met some friends in the area. I was in Portugal before last year, but it was just for a short time and I didn’t dive much into the culture. The vibe in Portugal is in general pretty chilled and everything is slower. There is no rush and people tend to enjoy life more. It’s a thing I really felt when going to the supermarket or meeting people in the local café. In general, I felt comfortable and welcomed.

A new chapter started when we went to “The Healing Circle,” which is a community and co-living space for people to shut down, recover, and heal from our stressful and hectic lives nowadays. Due to Erik’s condition, we thought it would be a good place to start, and I could either decide to stay there too or move away to find another place in the area. Besides us, there were already other people staying at the Healing Circle. To summarize, it was truly a life-changing experience. Everyone was so kind, self-reflected, and there was no egoistic thinking at this place. Everyone gave each other a hug in the morning, and everyone could do what he or she felt like during the day. We shared our time together playing music, writing, drawing, going to the beach, making dinner, or sitting around the fire. There were also moments where we just sat in the living room and everyone was quiet, and we shared each other’s company by just being there. We talked in an open circle about our struggles and thoughts, showing vulnerability, and nobody was judging or blaming. Wow, I thought. This environment was totally new to me. It was delightful just to be accepted as you are, not being judged, and sitting together in silence. It brought up a lot of peace and calmness in my mind, and I never felt so much in harmony with myself. I was just loved for being. That blew my mind. Usually we have to be someone, achieve something to be accepted by others, or set up our identity through work. I realized it’s okay being yourself with everything that comes with it. It’s okay. This place had so much love and kindness at once, it was a truly inspiring experience. Maybe it was a little bit of a bubble we lived in, I have to admit, in most people’s eyes it would be a hippie place, but to get a glimpse of this feeling and insight into how it could be everywhere and how we actually live made me thoughtful.

After a while, we left the Healing Circle and moved on to visit other places. We searched for some Workaways in the area. During that time, a friend of ours, Malin (also from Sweden), met us, and Erik and Malin decided to travel together for some time. So, I had time for myself and could do what I wanted to do. I went to see my friend Dominik, whom I met on the ferry in Sweden. He was with other van lifers in Sagres and invited me to come around. In Sagres, there were so many van lifers in one place, it was amazing to see. In a short period of time, I got in contact with other travelers and it felt like a little community. Most of them were actually surfing, since it’s a good surfing spot, but most of the time we just enjoyed each other’s company and lived day by day. On the weekends, we went to the Pizza Party in Tojeiro or to a local bar in the area of Vila do Bispo. It was a crazy time though.

After a while of living day by day without any plan, I started to feel like moving on. It was nice for a while, but the feeling of uncertainty, meaninglessness, and emptiness kicked in, and I decided to go volunteering in the area of Lagos. I thought a little structure and a fixed setup would help stabilize the rollercoaster of feelings and thoughts. When I arrived there, I still questioned the meaning of this journey. Was this still the right direction? These situations weren’t new to me, but these feelings always occurred when I was questioning things, searching for meaning, or feeling stuck in life.

I can handle those feelings and thoughts pretty well now, but it’s still something I notice, should listen to, and not suppress. But what is behind the mask and those feelings, and what gives meaning in life? Why are we always searching for something, rushing from one goal to another, what are we chasing after? I asked myself. 

Let’s start from another point. Traveling alone in general puts you in a time capsule and you get confronted with everything from your past life, beliefs, and thoughts, and you start questioning the status quo. You experience a lot of changes in a short period of time, new people, places, cultures, which makes you feel everything in an intense way. You are acting in extremes, which you haven’t experienced before. Nothing is permanent. Usually in normal day-to-day life, everything is already planned, certain, and you repeat your habits again and again. You act in the comfort zone, and the changes are slow. You probably don’t have to confront yourself that much with all these things I wrote above. It’s not necessary.

But where did I learn the most? In the constant nest of day-to-day routine or in the extremes? In my case, it has always been the extremes when I look back. Even though I wish for myself not to go to these extremes anymore, physically or mentally, the most insights came from these places. Be it the nonstop full-time van build or the several weeks almost alone in nature, I learned so much by confronting these borders. Would I do it again? Probably not. I believe now there is always a good and healthy middle way where you learn and challenge yourself while still being grounded.

So, what were these feelings of emptiness and meaninglessness telling me at this stage? One thing I found out over and over was the lack of meaningful and deep relationships while on the road. This is something hard to build and have around you. Maybe that’s the most important thing in our lives as humans? I researched. Studies suggest that relationships are one of the most important factors for happiness and well-being. A famous Harvard study spanning over 85 years found that positive relationships, whether with family, friends, or community, help people live longer, healthier, and happier lives. Well, that also explained my feelings. I also missed the feeling of being needed, doing something that brings fun and joy, the feeling of belonging somewhere, and being a part of something bigger. Isn’t that something every human needs for a healthy life? When you look back on our evolution as humans, we were always in groups, hunters and gatherers, and if you were on your own, you probably would have died. So this feeling of belonging and being part of something bigger is deeply rooted in our evolutionary brain, and it’s still present. 

Okay, I got that point now, and I understand better where these feelings came from. But what about this inner need of always wanting to achieve something or rush from one project to another? One thing I would say is the illusion that there would be a phase or moment where I’ve done everything and achieved everything I want. At this point, life would be awesome. It’s kind of this Western society thinking that we must climb a ladder, where you ultimately have achieved everything when you are on the highest point of it. But that’s not how life works. First, it’s more like a wave and not like a ladder, it changes from time to time. Second, there won’t be a moment in my life where I can wrap it all together. Having the dream job, the perfect house, or relationship, this probably doesn’t exist, but the illusion keeps me searching endlessly. There is no final state to aim for and to rush. It’s finally an internal state of satisfaction.

After a short period of time at the workaway I went back to Erik and helped him out for a while. During that time, we bought an own old campervan  for him and I started fixing things at the mechanics and made it ready for the street again. That was a great feeling to have finally a task again. Haha, it sounds contradictory, but when you haven’t “done” something for a while it’s a welcoming pleasure. I had a lot of fun fixing the campervan and I enjoyed the work with my hands. At this point things got better, and I felt in good shape again. By side, we started creating the CFS co-living project, where we wanted to create a place for people with chronic fatigue syndrome. There, people with the same condition can come together and support each other on their healing journey. It’s not existing in the world, so we decided to change that. Currently the plan is to find a nature based place in Portugal, where we can start the experiment.

After fixing the van we decided to go to search for a quiet place in nature or private land, where we can stay with the camper vans. Luckily we found an Airbnb that offered exactly what we were searching for (without barking dogs finally). Soon or later we spent there a couple of weeks and worked there on our projects. I felt a bit isolated, since we are almost on our own most of the time. I communicated that and some days later a friend of Erik (Malin) joined also, and I could go and search for a community in the area, where I could connect with people. During the time with Malin and Erik, I found a sweet puppy left next to the garbage container sitting there freezing in the rain. That’s kind of usual in Portugal how they get rid of animals. In my eyes it’s totally disrespectful (but that’s another topic). We took this little boy up and kept him with us. Malin cared for him and soon they felt connected to each other. Now the cute little puppy Nanuk has found a new home. Luckily a happy end.

I decided to go for a little van life trip in the area and met here and there with my friend Hannes and we went for some hiking trips. After some days I met another vanlifer from Germany (Teresa) and we went together to a community in the area. Luckily there was an event ongoing, and we were invited to join the gardening week. We accepted the offer and joined around 10 other volunteers in the OrangeEcoland for one week. It was nice to do a bit of gardening, while sharing stories and connecting with people. I forgot almost how fun it is to volunteer and working along others to a common goal. From young to old, we were a mix that made it so joyful. We shared in an open way and had talks and discussions about different topics that maybe everyone can relate to. One conversation I remembered was about our current situation of the world. War, Poverty, Fascism, Corruption, Inequality, Climate collapse, Mental health problems etc. Especially the young people have more and more the feeling of hopelessness for the future. There is a huge wave going on and we are facing endlessly challenges. So, what’s the point of it all and why should I still being optimistic and hoping for the Utopia for the world? How should we handle those situations and what to do about it? These are some difficult questions indeed, but what are the solutions? I think there is no right or no wrong answers to those questions. Everyone must find their own answers and their own way of dealing with these facts in the end.

I can share my views on this topics and what I got for insights from this discussion and over the last years I researched to this topic:

My interests in those topics started with a presentation in my bachelor studies with the topic “Can we stop climate change?”. I didn’t care that much about politics, the world and there was no interests in diving deeper into those topics. In that case, I was curious to find out more and dived therefore deeply into books and studies to gather information. I read book after book, study after study. I had seriously no idea what’s behind. Long story short: I was really shocked about what’s going on in this world. We are destroying our own planet, with how we live and act. The outlook seemed like a dystopian. There was literally no book that was proposing a healthy future, and I started questioning things more and more, but on the other hand I started feeling this enormous weight now on my shoulders. Am I responsible for this going on and what is my responsibility now? I just remembered a quote from Nico Semsrott relating: “Happiness is just a lack of information”. Sometimes it’s a bliss of not knowing, so true, I thought.

Well, from that moment on I started questioning everything. How I live, what I’m doing, What’s the point of all this work hustle culture? What are we working as a society towards? (to destroy the planet, deplete humans and animals?). Can’t we change how we are living to have it all better? Consume less, work less and be healthier and happier? How does a good life look like ? How do I want to live my life in the future? What’s important for me to live? What to do now with this information?

To be honest, it was a bidder pill to swallow. It soon started to affect my mental health because there was “nothing” to do about it in the end. That’s probably not the way I should deal with I thought, and I soon started to change my habits and consumption to be at least not the “problem” anymore. I wanted to be part of the “change” (If you followed closely, I already entered the extreme).

I think it was around 2020 and after several years have passed and nothing really changed in the world, I started to be frustrated and my thoughts were spinning around daily: what the f**k is wrong with our society and why nobody sees the urgent of these problems. It felt terrible and had literally zero energy anymore, because there was no progress in the outlook and most of the “richer” people don’t care or don’t educate themself.

Then I decided to travel and explore alternative lifestyles, I wanted to be part of a self-sufficient off-grid community somewhere in the south of Europe, where likeminded people already lived how I thought I would like to live and to live a lifestyle that suits my visions and “values”. Be part of the “bigger change“. I got inspired by people from all over the world and it really lasts an impression on me. I know now how I want to live my life in the future and what is important to me, how I want to spend my time. I’m thankful to made this experiences and they taught me a lot. But back to the bigger question. Is this something that has an terrific impact on the world and will “safe” us all and we could all live happily together within the boundaries of the planet?

After my journey so far and a couple of more years on this planet I found out that I spent a lot of my energy in keeping up the illusion that everything would be fine. When I jump on this train, we can create a new and better world for everyone. That we could solve poverty, solve climate change, solve injustice etc. When we are all just hoping and keeping this idea up “everything will be fine in the end”. I was rushing for this utopian idea, that these things could somehow be fixed. It took me away my energy and my joy of life always fighting against something bigger, something that is not possible to handle by my own. In conclusion these things will never come to an end until they destroy themselves (e.g. capitalism, climate change) by design or by disaster. I got realistic now and I think we have to be realistic of how our world is ruled and functioning, how our politics is working, how our evolutionary brain works, how our economy is working. I studied a lot in these topics recently and there was no solution presented where I can jump on and say this is going to work for the entire world.  And if you might think technology process will help us out in our situations, you probably also live in a bubble. Just have a look at human history. It is so complex, and every problem has several deeply rooted layers, that are part of a long evolutionary process in humanity. I got realistic that these things are not be “solved” soon or later and act with the circumstances we have.

An older man (from the 60s) told me his life story and how he was also fighting in his young ages against the circumstance of the world (70’s,80’s). He was losing like me his joy of life and always feeling low of energy. He gave me advice to keep my focus on the things that are in my hands and surroundings. Keep the energy by myself and make things happen in my reality. Then I probably achieve more than always fighting against something I can’t affect directly (ripple effects). In the end he told me he sees the whole development of our world nowadays as an evolutionary process. Humanity has finally decided to go “that way”, with all the things good and bad. There is “nothing” to change about and things will happen anyway, with or without me. I’m just a tiny fraction in this whole puzzle and glimpse in the history of the universe. In the end I found out that the key to inner balance lies in acceptance and not in the never-ending fight.

I realized I’m living in a bubble as highly privileged human. When you are born in Germany in normal circumstances, you are already in the top 15% of the richest persons of the world. There is food, a roof above your head, a health system, free education and you will have a higher living standard than 80% of the world population. I have time to think, reflect, a good education and the financial ability to travel and discover the world. There was no moment in life where it was necessary to crave for food, earn the education, collaborate in war, work constantly as farmer, beg for a penny or pray for piece. Which part of the world could say that ? Less then 1% of the population! It’s richness and a 10 out of 10 self expression. I have everything and it’s probably not fair or true to judge from this point of view and criticize. I will never fully understand another worldview than mine, that’s a fact. In a way it’s living in a highly privileged bubble again, where you ultimately lose the connection to reality. But this time it’s not a bubble of a single person, it’s now a whole country or even a continent.

Now, when everything doesn’t make sense and there is no meaning (kinda absurd) and we must accept the circumstances of our world, how does it matter to my personal life now + what are my responsibilities? Good question and this is also a question that everyone must answer by themselves. I will share with you according to this, the philosophy of Albert Camus and his key idea of absurdism as we face it daily in our lives: We wake up early to go to work, not always because we love what we do, but to pay for things we barely use. We buy clothes, gadgets, and cars to impress people we don’t even like, while losing touch with the things that once brought us joy. We might dream of a better world, while many of us work in jobs that are part of systems destroying more that creating: factories polluting air and water, offices chasing profit over planet. The list goes on and on. This is absurd in every single way.

Albert Camus pictures this absurd with the Myth of Sisyphus. It is an ancient Greek story about a man named Sisyphus who is punished by the gods for his cleverness and pride. His punishment? He must roll a huge stone up a mountain, only to watch it roll back down every time he nears the top. Forever. He knows the task is meaningless. He knows the rock will always fall. Yet he continues to push it, without illusions, without false hope. Sisyphus is aware of this absurd situation, but instead of refusing and giving up, he faces his destiny, embraces it and takes control.

I think this is a good metaphor for being a human in the 21^st century. Instead of giving up, denying reality or seeking hope in religion or utopias, we should accept the absurd, live consciously and with integrity through, pushing the stone every day up the hill. It doesn’t mean, that we should keep on going like we did and don’t give a f**k about everything. Being aware of our problems and doing what we can in our realities is probably the best thing we can do, without any false hope or illusions in mind.

Still here ? Thanks for reading through, hope you could gain something from my long article. Otherwise, it’s also fine. Feel free to share some ideas or let me know what you think about it. If you might think he went totally crazy now (probably yes :D). But it’s okay and I’m fine, don’t worry.

So what’s now ? I’m still in Portugal helping my friend Erik to set up a co-living space for people with chronic illnesses, but I’ll be back soon in Germany. See you!